The questions on the Dare2share communicationcards serve only as a guideline or starting point. It is expected of you to encourage further communication through the guidelines at the bottom of each card:

Ask the first question on the card and give your pouse the opportunity to answer. Listen attentively. Do not state your own opinion. Listen to what he/she is feeling and experiencing.

Follow the guidelines at the bottom of each card. They are there to assist you to listen actively:

Ask further questions: Ask questions in order to come to a better understanding like:

What exactly bothers you? ; How does it make you feel?; Why do you say that?; What do you see as a possible solution?

Important: Wait patiently, your spouse must know that you will not interrupt him/her with your questions.

Reflect on what you have heard: Summarise periodically what you have heard in order to clarify that you have understood what he/she has said. “Do I understand correctly that what you have said is …… In this way you give them the opportunity to correct you if needs be.
Show understanding and encourage: It is necessary to continuously encourage your spouse to honestly express his/her feelings and opinions and to show understanding by saying:
Examples: It is ok, you may feel that way; I can hear you are disappointed; unhappy; I can see you are frustrated; excited; Thank you for having the courage to tell me!; That is interesting, tell me more.

Anything else you might have on your heart? You can ask your spouse if there is anything else he/she might like to say on this specific subject.
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Quality conversations requires active listening!

Has your spouse ever complained, “I just feel like you’re not listening to me when I talk?”.

Suggestions how to listen effectively:

Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
Drop all other activities when your spouse is talking.
Listen for feelings and reflect what you hear.
Observe body language. Trembling hands, clenched fists and tears may give you insight into how strongly your spouse feels about what he or she is saying. The stronger the feeling, the more important it is that you give your spouse your individed attention. – Gary Chapman

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